#13 You’re Not Bad at Relationships — You’re Just Protecting Yourself

The Truth Behind Why So Many Relationships Struggle

We live in a world that glorifies independence.

“Work on yourself.”
“Protect your peace.”
“Be okay on your own first.”

And while there’s wisdom in that, here’s the truth most people don’t talk about:

Sometimes, “I’m better off alone” is just fear in disguise.

It’s not healing.
It’s not peace.
It’s protection.

When Solitude Becomes a Shield

Growing up, I was the golden kid.

The cheeky smile. The trophies. The natural athlete. I was the first pick in P.E., the one teachers praised, the one people noticed.

Validation wasn’t something I chased — it was just always there.

But over time, without realizing it, I built my identity around applause.
And when the praise stopped — or worse, when criticism came — I crumbled.

It wasn’t long before that same pattern showed up in my relationships.

I gave too much. Needed constant reassurance. Craved being seen.
Not from wholeness, but from a deep fear of not being enough on my own.

So when love eventually hurt — and it did — I retreated.
And I told myself the story so many do:

“I’m better off alone.”

The Lie That Feels Like Strength

Independence became my armor.
I convinced myself that solitude was noble. That being alone was a sign of strength. That I didn’t need anyone.

But if I’m honest?

I wasn’t healing.
I was hiding.

Like so many others, I had confused avoidance with evolution.

The Turning Point — From Performance to Presence

Everything shifted the night I met my now-wife, Niamh.

Our first date? A disaster. At least in her eyes.

I showed up as the “lads lad.” Playing the part I thought would land. But it wasn’t me.

And when she tried to end things before they began, I had a choice:

Keep performing. Or show up, honestly, as myself.

I chose me.
And something shifted.

We gave it another shot. This time, I brought vulnerability. Affection. Honesty. The real version of me — the one I had spent years protecting.

And for the first time, I was met. Fully.
No flinching. No fear. No performance.

The Relationship Shift Through the Uncommon Life Lens

What happened wasn’t just about romance.
It was a moment of personal transformation — through the lens of The Uncommon Life:
Awareness → Action → Alignment

🧠 Awareness

I realized I wasn’t actually free.
I was just in control.
And control is not connection.

I had safety — but no intimacy. I was alone — but not whole.

⚙️ Action

So I moved differently.

I stopped editing myself.
I let someone see the parts of me I used to hide.
I stopped performing and started participating in love.

“Love isn’t about being chosen.
It’s about showing up fully and seeing who stays.”

🔄 Alignment

This isn’t a highlight reel.
It’s a lived experience.
And now, as we prepare to travel the world together for our honeymoon, I’m reminded:

This isn’t an escape from life.
It’s the embodiment of everything I’ve become through it.

What If You’re Still in the “Better Off Alone” Era?

If you’re reading this and you’ve convinced yourself that you’re better off alone — I see you.

Maybe you’ve been burned.
Maybe love left scars.
Maybe the idea of trusting someone again feels too risky.

But I want to ask you something:

Are you protecting yourself?
Or postponing your evolution?

You can’t be truly rejected by someone else unless you’ve already rejected yourself.

When you learn to love yourself — truly — connection becomes a gift, not a gamble.

What This Honeymoon Really Means

This trip with my wife isn’t just about travel.
It’s a celebration of presence. Of growth. Of choosing connection over comfort.

It’s a reflection of what’s possible when you stop guarding yourself… and start trusting life again.

This didn’t happen because I found the perfect person.
It happened because I stopped pretending I needed to be perfect to be loved.

Final Invitation: Walk With Us

This blog post isn’t just a love story.
It’s a mirror for your own.

A reminder that:

• You are not too much.

• You are not broken.

• And you are not meant to do it all alone.

“Stop waiting for the perfect person to love you.
Start becoming the version of yourself that can truly receive it.”

We’re walking into this next chapter now.
Not as a couple on a highlight reel — but as humans living The Uncommon Life.

If you're ready to walk with us...

📲 Follow the journey on Instagram: @the.david.webb
For real-time updates, reflections, and reminders on building a conscious life — together.